… D not wonder that I do not write anything about our past. Try to understand my position. First of all: what we had to go through here after 1937 just cannot be described on a simple piece of paper; secondly: all we were forced to live through is beyond your imagination. You will never be able to comprehend the thousands of fates, for you have no adequate criteria to compare and valuate them.
But I want you to understand at least the most important thing: I am happy now, and I have been happy in all those years, as well, I do not regret any of the tough choices and serious decisions I dropped during my life. I did not learn the facts of modern history from books and magazines. I lived this history myself, I was part of it in the true sense of the word.
(From the first letter Gertruda Kliwans wrote to her relatives in America after a 17 years‘ break - Moscow, 5th August 1964).
… Proceedings against saboteurs“
Lately, numerous lawsuits have been conducted against so-called saboteurs. People are particularly talking about consequences of these trials. At first, all accused were sentenced to death penalty, shortly afterwards the government appeared to be generous by converting death penalty into imprisonment. Most people are unable to understand this decision. In the very beginning they were forced to run „under their banner“ and demand death penalty in any case, and now, all of a sudden, these verdicts are annulated. This morning my students told me that spontaneous meetings are being held in enterprises and factories, on which workers demonstrate against the resolution made by the Central Executive Committee about the annihilation of the death sentences.
The special psychology which is behind all this, is a very interesting one. Obviously, nobody knows or is informed about whether these sentences reflect justice or not.
Technical experts are permanently being frightened by arrests. Every single engineer is trembling with fear, as he devoutly believes that he might be the next. If, for any of the numerous possibly variants of explainable or non-explainable reasons a project cannot be realized, as it was previously planned, you may reckon for sure that they will indict you for sabotage. People coming from former bourgeois families, are of course double-scared .
Aplenty of rumors are circulating here about revolts and planned attacks. Although many of these pretensions are nothing but mere phantasms, you have the permanent feeling that sooner or later the discontent of the people, which finds itself in a rather distressed situation, will burst out. The State is aiming to convince the polulation by all means that counter-revolutionaries and saboteurs are the culprits of all evil and all difficulties.
Demonstrations and meetings, where people demand death penalty for counter-revolutionaries and saboteurs, are being organized here quite often. Enterprises, establishments and authorities are closed during this time, streets are barricades by fences and bars. At present numerous rumors are circulating in the town, Among them - rumors about the assassination of Stalin and other leading public figures. As soon as the demonstrations have come to an end, street cars will again start to carry the huge crowd from one end of the town to the other.
In mass media (newspapers and radio broadcasting) such deployments and demonstrations are shown as an expression of the people’s will; however, in order to be able to value them correctly, you have to consider the fact that they are actually of compulsory character.
These days important incidents happen in Moscow – once again they initiated
proceedings
Against a „gang of revolutionaries“. I suppose that you read about it in your
American newspapers. Here they are making a big show of it. Yesterday, thousands
of workers marched through the streets, demanding death penalty for the „pestilence“,
as they use to call counter-revolutionaries here. Today, by means of a special
admission ticket, I had the opportunity to take part as an auditor in one of
these sittings of the court. I was deeply impressed by what was going on there,
but I will tell you details only when we meet each other personally again.
In general, it is very difficult to write letters from here. On the one hand it seems to me as if I can describe everything as it really is, for I received the impression that the state knows everything about everybody, anyway. (Here they are joking that, even if you change your sleeping position at night-time, someone will immediately inform the authorities about it!). On the other side many people give you the advice to be very careful and attentive with what you communicate in your letters. Hence, please always take into consideration that I refrain from writing many things I would like to inform you about. Every now and then I am even in doubt about whether my letters always reach you. Why else do you so often send me worried telegrams?
Please do not fear for me. I am healthy, happy and surrounded by wonderful people, and I have a very interesting job. By the way – please do not believe in what American newspapers write about Russia. In reality the situation here is three times worse than everything they write there! …